Monday, August 17, 2009

On Low Fat Yogurt

Okay, disregarding for the moment that I've yet to see any yogurt that actually has lots of fat, this healthy yogurt trend is starting to piss me off. I mean first of all that's like the tiniest container of yogurt I've ever seen. I buy my yogurt by the tub, by the liter if I have to. Even the old little fruit-on-the-bottom cups are like twice the size.

Now I'm a firm believer in a true, eaten serving being about 1.5 times the suggested serving, so just plan accordingly but with how small these new containers are even worse, they're skinnier at the top than at the bottom and there's even a little lip on top so you can't scoop out what's left at the end. I'm not surprised people lose weight eating them; they're physically starving to death trying to scoop out the last dregs of Silky Joy Orgasm Brand faux-imitation soy-based low acid non-lactose low fat processed digestive preventative vitamin -gurt.

Me? I empty about a half quart of vanilla yogurt into a bowl and toss chunks of fruit in it until I grow bored of watching the waves and craters I make pretending to be God hucking meteors at yogurt-based dinosaur life. Then I add fruity granola mixes and/or a crumbled granola bar that expired two months back and maybe some chocolate.

Then I eat that and cry for the next few hours as it dawns on me that I'm slowly losing the ability to digest dairy with age.

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