Friday, October 23, 2009

On American Apparel

American Apparel is actually a very nice company run by, I'm sure, very nice people. It routinely uses provocative ads that
do legitimately push conservative buttons, often featuring hypersexuality, urban subcultures and adult film actresses. For the record, their most controversial ads with soft porn star Sasha Grey only ran on a few adult blogs and were shot by female AA model/photographer Kyun Chung. Go, girl, go.

*This entry features links that will show you nipples on women. Attractive-ish women.*

If this offends you: Please, do not click these links and only read the amusing first half of this post.
If this seems totally hot and awesome
but you don't want to read the whole post, just go ahead and skip down the links. You can read the rest an other time, which will actually give me more hits, so go you, I guess.

Thank you.

So there's something everyone should know about me. I'm surprisingly hip for an antisocial Jew.

It's just what happens. I'm like the iPhone of Israelites. Everything is sleek and simple but sophisticated. Only with more arm hair.

Given the opportunity, I can clean up into one of the most astounding things in the workplace: a young man who knows what he likes and is comfortable in expensive, dapper clothes; a man who can mix a cocktail or carve a turkey, quote Hamlet or Homer Simpson; a man who will order an underground local microbrew in a town he's never been to. Yes, a hipster douche.

Now, obviously this is not my standard operating procedure. This is something I break out at holidays, office parties, proms and that one unfortunate "Fashion Show Incident" back when my mom was on the PTA. But the point remains that the option is there, should the mood strike me.

If one were to look in my closet/car trunk, one would actually find several other "costumes," including Zombie Kurt Cobain, Mad Scientist, Che Guevara, Catholic Priest, Emo Moper, Hugh Hefner, and a few Hawaiian shirts. Basically, I have some sort of Character Development Asperger's.

So as it stands I'm usually on the lookout for new and interesting clothing and obscene sales. Having spent 1 as a full and 3 years as a seasonal employee of GAP Inc. (many stories of which must be told but this is none of the times for that), my wardrobe is currently about 70% GAP brand merchandise, partly because it fits my clean lines and colors aesthetic but mostly because I had a fairly massive employee discount.

I have now established that I like relatively hip clothing. I still think skinny jeans are annoying because unlike most Hipster men I apparently have a penis to get in the way of my inseam, but whatever.

Now add to this knowledge two simple facts
  1. I like boobs
  2. I tend to click links to Indie clothes stores

Welcome to American Apparel dot com!

Where does this link take me? Why to the only logical place for anyone who would actually shop at American Apparel: Women's Hosiery.


Of course. Obvious. How get can you? Really now.

It would have been rude not to browse around, though.

In my travels I found one. Then an other. Then I said fuck it and searched obsessively to compile a complete list of visible female nipples on the American Apparel website. Partially visible labia have been removed for conciseness and clarity of intent.

Additional Image #2
#3, 6, 8, & 10
#2 & 8
and #10 (but it IS unisex so watch out for the other images if you're not down with the bulge)

I'm considering sending American Apparel some sort of email on the subject, something to the effect of:

Dear American Apparel,

It has come to my attention that nipples are clearly visible in many of your photos of female models wearing your products. This is highly inappropriate for a clothing company and I would really appreciate it if you would keep this up. In fact, add more. NIPPLES EVERYWHERE! YES! It's so encouraging to see a major clothing manufacturer taking the initiative to push enforcement of gender equality laws that have legalized female toplessness in public for almost a decade. Thank you. Thank you, American Apparel. Thank you for being so goddamn progressive.

Also, your LEGALIZE GAY clothing line is highly offensive as it undercuts the complexity of current social issues and supports the notion that sexuality is something to be regulated by any government.


Dude Who Loves Nipples
(but apparently has some pretty strong ideas about person freedoms. Go figure.)

Yeah, I'd send that out, but I don't want to risk them pulling all the nipply pictures.

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