Friday, October 9, 2009

On Death and Being Too Poor To Pay Taxes

This is exactly how I want my death to go down; Batman and Sam Waterson solving the case, and Jerry Orbach to meat me in heaven and make a bad pun as we stare down through the clouds at my fetid corpse.

So I got some mail today.

My Phi Beta Kappa membership card and window cling arrived. They spent 90% of the material they sent trying to get me to donate to the organization. I assume most people in Phi Beta Kappa graduate and are only poor if you don't count the internship on Wall Street and the trust fund.

Also, my bank is apparently giving my $1,000 insurance in the event that I die or am horribly maimed somehow. Wonderful. THANK YOU, Bank. Thank you SO MUCH for that THOUGHTFUL thing you did.

Since the average funeral is in excess of $5,000, they're pretty much saying, "Yeah, sign this and we'll pay your way, but you could upgrade to higher coverage for only a few bucks a year!"

So I spent all night thinking about how I want my death to be handled and who needs the money. Right now I'm leaning towards paying the $2.25/fiscal quarter and get the $25,000 in coverage. That should cover medical bills and a funeral (green burial or cremation normally, regular burial in cheap, easily accessible coffin in the event my death is at all being investigated by the police.)

Or, if my mom doesn't think $10 a year for $25,000 in coverage is a good bargain, I'll just take the freebie $1,000 coverage and simply pay out to one random friend. I've got someone in mind, but I'll open the floor.

Anyone interested in the role of "Most Likely To Profit from Dave's Death" please apply here or buy him something really cool looking.

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