Tuesday, October 13, 2009

On Insomniatic Nielsen Ratings

Based on my 24-hour T.V. watching schedule I've uncovered several facts of life that must go by and large unnoticed by the population.

  • Poor white trash people watch "their stories" about fake people who can't act
  • Middle class people watch "programs" about wealthy "reality" personae who also can't act
  • Based on daytime talk and shows like Cheaters or Cops, middle class people also watch reality shows about poor people who can't act
  • Rich people only watch shows they appear on
  • White people love T.V. shows about white people making food from places we conquered
  • Black people like anything with purple lights and bumping bass. Also, Smart Guy and Moesha
  • Actually, everybody likes Smart Guy and Moesha
  • But for some reason nobody likes The Steve Harvey Show
  • Chinese and Korean kids hate Japanese cartoons
  • Japanese kids laugh because they know they're going to write shows that are animated in Chinese/Korean forced labor art studios
  • Law & Order will not end until Sam Waterson dies on camera
  • Any line in Seinfeld can be read by any other character and still make sense
  • Joss Whedon will never have another successful show
  • Seth McFarlane can get away with anything unless he gets arrested on drug and assault charges in the near future
  • The Simpsons ended in 2002 and if anyone disagrees you should plug your fingers in your ears and shout LALALALALALALALA as loud as you can.
  • If you're in a place in your life where you routinely stay awake through multiple hours of PAID PROGRAMMING informercials, you've fallen into the demographic of people who just may purchase their products.
  • Japanese game shows are the scariest physical trials you can imagine

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