Sunday, February 14, 2010

On Spam Mail 2


Dear _________,

What you are doing borders on criminal, the only saving grace of which is that unless
your recipients are stupid enough to give you their banks account numbers, you're not
actually committing mail fraud or embezzlement.
I have not lived at that address for years.
If you ever send me anything again in any format, or if you give my name to anyone else
for any reason and I can trace it back to you, I will hold you, Sir, personally responsible. I will
find an agency to deal with you. I will call or alert them via other means. I will then find you myself. I will trace you, and track you, and hunt you down like a rodent. I will find you and I will beat you. I will want to hurt you, break you, and as you lie on the ground I will kick you in the gonads until you vomit blood and pass out. I will then call the police, who will find you, and they will call the Emergency personal to help you, all the while wasting precious time as your testicles leak their contents into your sacks and abdomens. If you are lucky they will perhaps save one of your testicles. If I am lucky, both will be irreparably damaged and the mixing of your usually separated bodily fluids will cause you to develope a staph infection, that you might die in a hospital bed, miles from what passes for your loved ones, writhing in agony as your own blood slowly poisons you.

May you rot in Hell forever,
David Zucker, REV.

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