Friday, November 5, 2010

On the McRib

It was innocent enough, the Facebook status of a friend simply reading, "… is about to eat a McRib for the first time in 15 years."

"What kind of fucking parent lets a 7 year old have a McRib?" I commented, adding the face-saving "(No offense.)"

I figured the joke stood, but as soon as someone came out in favor of the McRib (or my friend's parents), which they did, I could add some B.S. about clarifying my point and that a 7 year old cannot appreciate all that is McRib, which I did.

But it gave me an idea. I needed to get food. I needed a log. The McRib could solve everything.

I got dressed and drove out at 12:30 a.m. to get a McRib from the 24-hour McDonald's. The traffic lights were just blinking yellow in every direction and the roads were slick as a cold mist fell in the dark.

Full disclosure: I haven't had fast food or soda in about two weeks, due chiefly to not eating like a fat fuck and simply relying on a high metabolism anymore. That said, I'm writing this with what I assume is an MSG/Trans Fat/caffeine migraine.

  1. I hop it doesn't come with onions. (It does.)
  2. God, it's taking a long time. At least I guess that means the food's all fresh. (As fresh as it comes, I guess.)
  3. I wonder if I can toss the rolled up straw wrapper back through the window? (Totally.)
Brought it home. Soda tasted weird at first. Think it was lack of familiarity. Got over that real fast. Then I open the box and see this:

Basically, that meat patty's way too big for the bun. The bun's pretty good, though. It's almost like whole-grain on the outside, but then it's still white, processed crap inside. The meat itself, well, it's basically the same generic meat as the hamburger, pressed into a longer shape and dowsed in enough barbecue sauce that you don't notice. Oh, and there are pickles on it.

Final verdict: I am too classy for the McRib. My taste buds have acclimated to healthy food and they never really liked BBQ sauce to begin with.

Still better than if I had spent the day running and doing sit-ups. I tried something new and I'm happy. The only real downside is they never gave me a receipt, so I can't write this off on my taxes as a $6.27 business expense (filed under blog research).

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