Sunday, November 14, 2010

On What God Really Hates

I'm not really positive there is a biblical God and I couldn't prove it anyway, but I'm fairly certain if it exists it does not hate a lot of things. But a lot of people seem to think they know what He hates. Mostly, they tend to focus on "fags."

I'm going to take the pedestrian approach and just rule out the vague possibilities that they think their God has a thing against a bundle of sticks or British cigarettes, though that last thing might be somewhat sensible. No, I believe they mean to say that God has a thing against homosexuality, which if you think about it is pretty weird. I mean God makes all-female species of lizards and vertebrate virgin births. He does some pretty bizarre stuff and gay isn't even on the list.

Think about this: The top 10% of anything is a pretty rad achievement. One in ten people are gay. How about that?

So what does God hate? Maybe it was a miscommunication. Maybe someone just misheard Him.

Disunity. God totally hates people acting against togetherness, at least in the New Testament. The Old Testament was pretty much nothing but. File that under the maybes.

Ooh! Bad proofreading! None of the prophets ever seemed to be much for punctuation, but that's really more of a recent innovation. Still, considering how many different versions of even the most basic stories there are going around from the Early Days, I'm guessing if God didn't have a problem with poor writing and diction from The Beginning ("In the beginning there was the Word"), He's definitely developed a distaste in the aeons of being misquoted since. Poor syntax, check.

Maybe? I guess? I mean they usually taste pretty bad. Not like I've had a whole lot of experience with that, though. I'm just saying they're clearly made from that smelly red rubber crap paddleball balls are made of and, man, those things taste awful.

Yeah, I'm absolutely backing this one.

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