Monday, July 30, 2012

On Quality Photography

I have a 3.5 megapixel camera sitting in a donation pile because my phone has a pinhole that makes its predecessor look like a disposable click-wheel. An iPhone has an 8MP built in, with autofocus, austoexposure,autoflash, face detection, and self-stabilization.

So how the fuck are you still taking blurry-ass, low-light mirror shots for your profile picture?

Did you just select Instagram's "whore" filter? Or maybe it was the "aging barfly sepia tone" that caught your fancy, polishing over your dimpled adult acne and pale, sweaty club rat complexion.

Listen, it's 2012. Hoverboards are only three years away, Optimus Prime first died eight years ago, and has come back like four times, and we've passed John Connor's Judgement Day trice already. We live in the future, and you no longer have an excuse for not having quality headshots on your LinkedIn profile.

The least you could do is Windex your bedroom mirror, god damn.

So you turned off the flash, stood in a shadow, deadjusted the RGB levels,
and–I'm guessing–stood about 15 feet away from the mirror and used digital zoom.
Before cropping the photo to hide your filthy living room and the dog's second bowl?

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