Thursday, August 2, 2012

World Wildlife Fund is Missing a Golden Opportunity

I can't stand commercials for dying tigers or beaten puppies, and I don't think anyone else can either.

It doesn't spur me towards giving money to save these animals, if you'll pardon the horse-abuse vernacular. What I think should be done, in an attempt to actually save animals, is switch the W.W.F. and other quadruped charity organizations to an app-style business model.

Saving animals should be subscription based.

Let's get one thing straight: I do not mean the type of "Hey! We saw you donated last year, so how about doubling your contribution this year! No?? Well then how about the same? After all, we know you don't want to go back to letting innocent [fuzzy baby somethings] get [horribly mistreated and/or murdered] right?" Insert elbow jab there.

You should get something for donating your time and effort, and not just a tiger tote bag or the satisfaction of donating to a charity that may or may not put actual donation proceeds towards the cause de nome.

When you donate to save the animals, you shouldn't have to see another commercial about it for 6 months.

You put down $50 to artificially inseminate pandas? Awesome. You don't have to see scratched up and beaten pit bulls on T.V. unless you turn on Animal Cops, and your a masochistic bastard if you do anyway.

$100? You just earned yourself a year of abuse-free animals. You won't see anything worse than Jake Busch pushing baked beans and old Alf reruns until mid-2013.

And for $250, you won't even have to listen to Sarah McLachlan. Ever. We'll make sure of it.

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