Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Killing Kennedy: Bill O'Reilly, Just Date A Chubby Goth Girl Already

Bill O'Reilly's new book Killing Kennedy came out today. It is the follow-up to Killing Lincoln, a book he also "wrote" "with" (read: "all work likely done by") Martin Dugard.

Bill, stop wanting to kill presidents. Just stop, okay?

You're getting a little obvious. Next I'll walk in on you torturing the neighbors' interns or tearing the legs off a junior lobbyist. Then you'll be cutting the eyes out of photos of founding fathers.

Listen, Bill, all I'm saying is you swap out the names, and you're getting dangerously close to your next book being an out-and-out Obama assassination murder fantasy slam-journal, and that's the kind of malarkey that lands you a trip to see the high school psychologist.

Just cut your thigh, talk to the "dark" girls about futility and The Smiths, and get on with your life. I promise you, college will get a lot better.

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