Sunday, December 9, 2012

War On Christmas | Day 6: Life Day

The evil Galactic Empire waged war on the originally triennial Wookie celebration of Life Day long before the War on Christmas was cool. Held around the 31st of Welona by the Tepani Standard Calendar, Life Day was a pivotal holiday for the Wookie race, and later the Rebellion, despite it being A) an amalgam of both Thanksgiving and Christmas, and B) just incredibly awful on all counts except for the Boba Fett cartoon, Life Day has much to teach us in terms of tradition.

Holiday Traditions I Learned From Wookie Life Day:

  • Even if you spend the rest of the year naked, you dress up for special occasions. It shows respect for the day and those around you, and it's a chance to show off how fancy you can be.
"Itchy" Atichuk: the original Grumpy Cat.
  • Everyone has a creepy old grandpa being dirty when he thinks no one is looking. Or even when they are and he just doesn't care. And as racist as he is, he's watching some decidedly off-species porn dancing videos.
  • Getting so blitzed with your family you all end up singing together. In space.
  • Carrie Fisher getting high on pain killers.
"Did nobody else bother to read their contracts?"
  • Your one uncle who smartly doesn't show up…

  • … but then phones it in and gets lectured for the next 30 years until someone worse pops up.
  • Chefs on T.V. always make dinner preparation seem way easier than it is

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