Thursday, February 10, 2011

On Cute Animals

I don't know how I didn't see it before, it seems so obvious in hindsight. The clues, the emails, the links I'd get sent at three in the morning….

Every corner of the internet that isn't reserved for porn is designed to cater to a person's every need for adorable, furry animals. (And in some cases, even the parts of the internet that are also for porn.)

Photo Blogs - Obviously design to showcase pictures of adorable animals.

Flickr - Designed so you can show me your photos of adorable animals.

Facebook - So we can learn more about each other's adorable animals. (And give them their own pages.)

Livejournal - To blog about our animals. Hell, they even have "LiveGerbil." It's adorable.

Twitter - Tell me about the adorable thing an animal did.

FourSquare - Where did you see an adorable animal?

BBC/(lesser news services) - Who was recently saved by an adorable animal?

eBay - I would like to buy toys for my adorable animal.

Craigslist - Has anybody seen my…?/I would like to adopt a…/Where can I go to have sex with … an adorable animal.

4chan - Can someone draw me a picture of myself as an adorable animal?

Honestly, that all just makes LOLcats the most derivative and yet somehow also most direct and honest thing on the internet. Let's just imitate it shot-for-shot with hipster, call it LOLpeoples and go meta as hell and call it a night?

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