Monday, February 28, 2011

On Pandering, Part 1

I have just decided, at 2 a.m. no less, that this week's blogging shall all be attempts to pander to my burgeoning readership. This readership includes:
  • People looking for information on "the slut" from a State Farm Commercial
  • Saudi Arabians (and to a lesser extent Egyptians, as their internet permits)
  • Science Nerds
  • Local Teenagers
  • People just looking for really obscure, gross porn. (And I don't mean hard fetishism or anything, I mean legitimately just disgusting "fat granny ass" search queries.)
Today, I've decided to focus on Saudi Arabia, since I've already slighted the Egyptians for squandering their precious internet usage on me. (Maybe they just decided to view everything they could now that they have the opportunity again.) Anyway, I now present to you:


"How many Dubawis does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, but it's 80 stories tall and shaped like a sailboat!"

"What's the deal with airline food? I order Iranian beluga caviar and I swear they give me Russian sterlet. Who's nephew do you have to make a prince to get some real food up there? That is what I want to know."

"Take my wife … please! It is alright, I have many more where she came from."

"I tell you, I do not get any respect. My darling wife refuses to adhere to the laws of hajib. Gratefully, she is so homely as that when we drive through town in my armored limousine, the commoners believe I am riding with a shaven bear, of which I actually do own several."

"Lawrence of Arabia? More like Bore-ence of Arabia! Or Way-Too-Long-rence of Arabia! Am I right? Up top."

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