Sunday, May 20, 2012

Why I Revoke My Approval of Harry Potter

"I am the night! I AM THE BATMAN!"
I was too old for Harry Potter.

Though others my age started in and said "It's really not that young; you'd like it," I preferred reading material intended for adults. Frankly, I blame grade school and New York State's teachers possessing an inability to assign reading not depicting children horribly abused or otherwise stranded in the wild, and brought to the brink of suicide. You know, good, old-fashioned murderporn.1

Everything's perspective, though. Rowling had the good sense to age her characters along with her readers. As the kids grew old enough to handle mature themes, they became more immediate within the text. Hell, there was swearing. Cursing too, but that muggles the waters a bit.2

And of course Twilight became a thing that happened.

Alright, I was willing to give HP its props for getting a whole generation across the globe reading and feeling the good vibes.

But now owls are dying because of it.

I saw a dead owl on the side of the road the other day. Those of you who follow me on twitter might have heard already, but it was weird. Just a crow picking at an owl carcass. And the only trees were ludicrously high. Either that owl landed for the express purpose of laying down to die splayed out, failed to dive-bomb a field mouse and pull up in time, or it just keeled over and fell 150 feet from its final resting perch.

And it just might have been your fault, for loving Hedwig so much.

Or, I mean, it could have been like a wicked fat brown hawk or something.




1 I fully expect The Hunger Games and Battle Royale to be required school reading within the next decade. At least I could justify the first. Battle might have to be an independent study.

2 ZING!

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