Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A Series of Ill-Conceived Children's Books

"Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pale of water. Then Jack met this really cool guy named Steve and Jill officiated their civil union because this was that one big twisty hill in San Fransisco and Prop 8 hadn't been passed by backwards-thinking old men yet. Then they opened an art gallery where they sold Jill's photography, which despite being mostly still-lifes and landscapes always managed to remarkably resemble genitalia, and that was actually really good for her sales." THE END.

I found my old idea notebook filled with every unused idea I've had over the last 5 or 6 years. Now you all will pay the price for it.

A Series of Ill-Conceived Children's Books
  • "Why I Was At Your Mother's House Last Night" by your gym coach
  • "Fun With Earthworms"
  • "Why It's Okay to Be Afraid of Clowns"
  • "Why You Don't Have to Be Afraid of Clowns"
  • "Why I Am Once Again Afraid of Clowns" (part III in the Clown Trilogy)
  • "Where Do All My Lost Socks Go?"
  • "Why Mommy and Daddy Don't Get Along Anymore and Live In Separate Houses"
  • "Who Is the Corpse In the Attic?"
  • "Why Do We Keep Grandma In the Basement?"
  • "It Has Nothing To Do With You: Why Mommy & Daddy Still Love You But Can't Put Up With Your Whore of A Sister Any Longer"

This has been your dose of A Sound A Doggy Makes for the day. If you experience any side effects such as outrage, nausea, partisanship or a complete lack of a sense of humor, please come to the realization that you are an asshole and patiently wait for tomorrow's update, when we will likely return to dick jokes.

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