On Real Life Conversations

I've decided that in order to not have to think up posts for the next couple days, you all have to read the ridiculous back-and-forths I have with real people in real life every day.

These are actual conversations I had with individuals on the horrible internet, verbatim:

On Dignity
Lisa: "I'm planning on going to Walmart."
Lisa: "Do you need anything?"
Me: "If you can pick me up a 6-pack of dignity that'd be super."
Me: "Other than that I'm pretty good."
Lisa: "Oh, shush."
Lisa: "Wait."
Lisa: "That's not a real product, right?"
Me: "LOL, no, no, dignity is not sold in bulk."
Me: "Though it should be."


On Paraplegic Porn
Jin: "Happy birthday, Bagel!"
Jin: "Now go fuck yourself!"
Me: "He'd need a very bendy dick to fuck himself."
Me: "The best videos of that I've seen involve this paraplegic guy…"
Me: "…and he isn't really a looker I'd guess."
Me: "I mean he's no one-legged Beatles ex-wife."
Me: "He's like some crippled English dude with too much free time and a semi-functional wing-wang."

On Gandhi
Me: "But Gandhi worked to not do shit."
Me: "It's called a siut-in. lol" [typo]
K: "Did you just call Ghandi a slut?"
Me: "I wish."
Me: "A slut-in would be so much hotter than a sit-in."
K: "Nah."
K: "Cuz he's Indian."
K: "We just spent 30 minutes talking about it."
Me: "Indira Gandhi sachet-ing around an MTV U stage in a bikini, touting the benefits
of self-collected sea salt and introducing Fall Out Boy…."

On Pop-Punk
Serpentine: "Dude, they're back together! http://www.blink-182.com
Me: "Wow, that's the best possible news for 17 year old skaters in California since Laguna Beach got renewed for a second season."