Tuesday, August 3, 2010

On Bambi

"They sent me home from school because I keep sticking my hand down there!"

Back before the age of GPS and MapQuest, my mother had a simple rule for giving a driver directions: "Right" exclusively means the opposite of "left;" use "correct" or "yes" for an affirmative.

"So I make a left up here?"
"Right, left."
"Right, then left?"
"No, just left."
"That's what I said!"

I learned a new trick, recently. Apparently, when you see a deer in the road you're not supposed to yell out, "Deer," because some people will just think you love them and are trying to start a conversation by calling them "dear." What fools.

How should you inform your driver that there is a large, impala in the middle of the road (the quadrupedal kind, not the Chevy)?

You say, "Bambi."

Then they'll just think there's an aging stripper in their headlights.

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