Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Things I Have Learned From True Blood

"Is that an umlaut in your name or are you just happy to see me?"

Things I Have Learned From True Blood:
  • If you can't name the last time you saw boobies using only the days of the week, you are doing something terribly, terribly wrong with your life.

  • Every relationship is comprised of one codependent dreamer and one fuckhead. Look critically to determine which of you is the fuckhead.
    If you watch True Blood, you will be very sad to learn you are not the fuckhead.
  • Hypothetically, go down to the hardware store and then hypothetically rent a chainsaw. It's cheap and by-the-hour.

  • The only types of fucking are break-up-sex, revenge-sex, hate-sex, reunion-sex, make-up-sex and terror-sex. No one on Earth has ever actually "made love."
    It's not good sex until someone bleeds. Or both of you. But make a habit of it and things will quickly grow stale. Also, cold and clammy. Which leads us back to the chainsaw.
  • There are no ugly strippers in Louisiana.

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