Jokes About Seal and Heidi Klum That Have Nothing to Do With His Face

• I guess she finally listened to the Batman Forever soundtrack.

• Maybe their prenup didn't have that "six weeks to get back to pre-baby-weight" clause.

• Is it going to be child abuse or animal cruelty when Heidi takes her baby Seals clubbing?

• I suppose anyone would get tired of being married to the world's most desirable woman for seven years. I mean she's thirty-eight and she's starting to look like she's twenty-four. Jesus Christ, lady, get it together. I'm sure there are plenty of other gorgeous European white girls with millions of dollars looking to get railed by a gangly, ebony, washed-up Dickensian orphan who's best known for poor eyesight and getting unnaturally aroused by botany.

Sorry if that last one was a little long, but I'm thinking of applying to be a writer for Daniel Tosh, which would be wonderful since I'm really good at being long winded and killing jokes. Also, here's a picture of me doing something ambiguously gay with a pixelated crotch: