Monday, April 23, 2012

2012 Election Decided by Man's Bumper Stickers

I've been saying for a few years now–about four, really–that I've been sick of seeing "Obama/Biden 2008" bumper decals. In fact, I suggested a line of stickers to place over the date portion of these signs with, "We won, get over it."

Sadly, with the real groody horrorshow that's been the run-up to the Republican primaries, I've honestly been getting a little scared that we might need more ad space on our bumpers' left. I mean, have you seen Romney? Dude sure looks presidential. I was stoked for Obama, and I'm happy with the progress he's made in one term and I'd love to see that continue even more aggressively for another four years, but Obama always looked and felt like more like Prime Minister portraiture than the unlikely combination of actually pleasing WASPy Christian genetic traits we've come to view as the elected version of "regal" in the U.S.

That said, I like whatever this guy has been self-medicating with, and not just because he's solved his electoral problems with duct tape.


Alright, that's a lousy enhance, but CSI I am not.

Anyway, I'm voting for a third party candidate. I know, I know– I usually mock anyone attempting to split the Democratic vote, i.e., by wasting a vote on Ross Perot for the 12th time, but this time is different. I'm pretty sure Republicans would love this guy for being old and white and religious and and a throwback to a previous administration, while Democrats would love him for his commitments to personal choice, working with strong women, and his stance on euthanasia.

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