Snooki's Hair Will Give Birth To The Chosen One

Finally got around to watching the Jersey Shore reunion show. (It's research, I swear.)

I only have one comment to make, aside from the obvious things like Ron and Sam needing to not be together and The Situation has lost all semblance of a real person and transformed entirely into his self-made caricature. That comment is this:

Snooki, after bedding a talented young guido with a dark and tragic past five years her junior, will give birth to Lucas Giovani "Trono" and Leah Rebecca "Becca Bear" Polizzi-Skywalker, twin guido/guidette Jedi who will finally defeat the pale side and bring balance to the Shore.

Seriously, that crap is engulfing her head. It's not just a bump anymore, it's a BOMP. It's not a poof, it's a POMP. Come on, it's supposed to be a little curl of hair at the top of your skull, not a brunette Jesus-y halo encompassing your melon with clinging tendrils and a thirst for spinal fluid.

I anticipate much worse looks once Nicole discovers the bizarre and wondrous European fashions in Season 4.