Friday, April 15, 2011

Man Who Runs Apt Complex Overcompensates for Small Penis

Found this little gem in a plastic wrapped around the door handle yesterday. Apparently, where we live also live a bunch of jerks and one really, really judgemental dude with a tiny penis.

"We have recently upgraded the speed bumps on the main road in order to slow down vehicles that travel down our main drive. It appears that many of you are avoiding the speed bumps by entering through the parking lot on the left side which is a one-way. Also, the parking lot on the south side of the property is not a roadway to get to the lower section of [the property] and should not be used as such."

"Please be advised that anyone caught entering through the one way will be asked to vacate [the property] or at the very least will not be offered a lease renewal."

Here's the part where our manager guy confesses that his genitals leave a tremendous amount to be desired. Please note, this is the second time we've gotten this notice, both times including the following sentence:

"I have driven over the speed bumps in a 2004 Corvette, which has one of the lowest clearances of any car, and had no problem."

Amazing. We get it. You have a small dick. Do you really need to inform 250 apartments of this? I mean, I suppose that statistically speaking there might be someone in that group who has that as their turn-on. Possibly. Maybe.

Honestly, I love the effort. You want to save children from getting flattened. This is admirable. And sure, you want to express that you have personal experience dissuading the chief arguments against your proposal's enforcement.

But you just want us to know you own a 2004 Corvette.

And that means you are very, very worried about the size of your dick.

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