Sunday, January 3, 2010

On Post-Christmas Blues

A lot of people tend to feel down after the holidays. Be it the present not received or lack of thought put into those that were or no longer feeling that sense of universal good will but still remembering what it felt like when you did.



I've found a solution. Now it may only work for me, but I'm sure there's something in this you can extrapolate for yourselves.

When my family takes down the Christmas decorations and it should typically be a very disappointing moment, I always have one thing I can look forward to.

Actually that's a lie. I hate doing it, because it's hard and it's cold and it's annoying, but after I do it I always feel giddy so I just need to get it done and then I feel great. I throw out the Christmas tree, guys.

And no, this isn't some sick, twisted display of hatred for Christmas, traditional or secular. It's not some Grinch-like act of destruction and defilement that gets my once-Jewish rocks off.

Guys, we live in a second-floor apartment. When I'm told to throw out the Christmas tree, it means I get to drag a tree the two feet through the living room glass doors and heave it over the side of our deck.

And of course we're probably not allowed to do this. We've never asked, but we're pretty sue we don't want to ask, because then we wouldn't be allowed to do it and I'd have to track the damned thing all through the house, down the stairs and out the front door and aside from being far more difficult that'd just get pine needles everywhere.

This way I get to toss a Christmas tree live a javelin off the side of a building. Into snow. And then drag its corpse to a mass grave/dumpster. Surreptitiously.

It's great, you guys. You should try it. Or something similar, I mean.

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