Saturday, May 7, 2011

Gastroenterology: Scam or Fraud?

I'm pretty sure gastroenterology as a whole is an elaborate ruse by doctors. Secretly, everything is still governed by the four humors: blood, phlegm and the black and yellow biles.

My reasoning is actually quite sound. No stomach problem can be overcome while still wearing pants.

Have a stomachache? Take your pants off. No, don't just grab a pair with a loose waist like it's Thanksgiving evening, take them off completely. Lock yourself in your bedroom if you have to, you're probably already planning on that part since you're obviously no fun anymore. Just take 'em off already.

Usually, that does the trick all on its own. Not cured by just a few hours of laying in bed without those pants? Fine. Go to the hospital. Do you know the first thing they're going to do?

Make you take your pants off and sit on a funny table.

And should they decide that you need your bile readjusted or some such manner of fluid adjustment? Do they give you antacid? Nah. They decide they need to cut you open and play with your insides. But do you really know what they're doing while you're asleep?

They just leave you lying on a gurney for a few hours wearing only your hospital gown.

Sure, they cut and stitch your stomach to make it look good, but that's all an illusive ploy to keep from you the simple truth:

No medical problem can be solved while you're still wearing pants.

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