Sunday, May 8, 2011

PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!…itty-bitty living space

This is one of those times where I lament all the major news going on in the world for taking up the entire news cycle and preventing the world from hearing some of the truly weird stuff going on.

Don't get me wrong, I love hearing the government admit we've been using stealth drones and heavily modified, tactical stealth helicopters for years longer than we've admitted they exist, or that SEAL Team 6 has a German shepherd with tougher body armor than most state troopers.

Still, the rest of the world is kind of kerploding.

It was one thing to neglect mentioning that Egyptian former president Mubarak basically had a heart attack over getting called in by his country's supreme court for "questioning." There was the whole 'sudden conflagration of violence in Syria' thing, and it looked like that fight was going to be a lot messier, what with the insane dictator order cruise missile strikes against peaceful protestors.

Easy mistake.

And of course we only stopped mentioning that when a half-dozen other nations started imploding, but we maybe, maybe would have kept at it until oh gee, we found and killed Osama bin Laden after ten years. Alright, that's a pretty big deal. I mean, that's one for the books. Obama can pretty much write his own ticket after that one. I'm not sure what one does after being the leader of the free world–generally die–but he's a young guy, he can go places. I know Taft served as a supreme court justice afterward. Still, I think "one of the youngest presidents ever" and "first black president" would be enough for some people. Now adding "caught the most reviled American enemy since Hitler" and "personally ordered and watched the death live," it's almost like over achieving. What, you want to be the first president on Mars, too?

*Side note: I just read yesterday that Obama actually cracked a joke after a 6' tall SEAL
laid out next to the body of bin Laden to verify the body by height, quipping,
"We donated a $60 million helicopter to this operation. Could we not afford to buy a tape measure?"
Classic 'Bam.

Well here's the story-of-the-week you'll never hear on the nightly broadcasts:

Psychopath Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad has apparently gone so insane, that he has had increasing tensions with Shi'a Islamic cleric and official Supreme Leader of Iran, the Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Yes, he's picking fights with his boss, who we used to support until his predecessors turned out to be even more violent and bad-for-business than the guy before them.

So now the Ayatollah's religious police have begun arresting Ahmadinejad's highest ranking supporters on charges of sorcery.

Let that sink in. Socery. They are formally being charged with summoning djinn to support Mahmud's crazed and counter-productive personal goals. One was described as "a man with special skills in metaphysics and connections with the unknown worlds."

Alright, that sounds pretty badass.

But sadly, there aren't any genies here, as far as can be told. It really just looks like the Ayatollah's getting worried that Ahmadinejad's Chief of Staff, this guy named Mashaei, is getting a lot more influence and might be groomed to be a successor. They're saying he's an evil sorceror and is possibly responsible for a documentary which claims the return of the Shi'a messiah figure is imminent, something the Ayatollah's group says cannot be predicted.

So, obviously, he's a witch.

The scariest thing is that as far as the rest of Western Society is concerned, it might actually be best if these guys get tossed from power by their own government, because for once the last craziest guys might be easier to work with than the new craziest guys. At least they don't deny that the holocaust ever happened. (They still hate Jews/Zionists, but hey, at least they admit it happened.)

"I tell ya, I don't get no respect."

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