Saturday, May 28, 2011

On Dreams XI: How Morpheus Got His Groove Back

I dreamt a collection of television actors at my grandma's house turned out to be brainwashed ninja assassins. They rode in a fleet of souped-up A-Team vans.

Only I knew they were secretly killing machines, so I had to warn my mother and extended family. I personally killed one D-lister in a stealth maneuver, then shallowly sliced the throat of the guy who plays Det. Munch on Law & Order: SVU, using that Japanese weapon that's like a small scythe on a chain. A naga-somthing. (Edit: It's called a 'kusarigama.')

 I made my way to the kitchen where I repeatedly plunged the blade deep into a maddened and violent Danny DeVito, but between his fat and the brainwashing, he was protected from excessive physical damage and the feeling of excruciating pain. Mom and grandma did not believe me, though I had just nearly slaughtered Louie from ABC/NBC's Taxi. They laughed at me.
I took a pair of sneakers and I ran, not even stopping to put them on until I was well down the block. I huddled in a crowd of parents and children just off a school bus and tried to walk home to relative safety. Along the way I found an area of grass outside apartment buildings just littered with dead squirrels and gerbils. You couldn't not step on them, and they slowed me down, at least enough to allow Diedrich Bader of The Drew Carey Show and Office Space fame to catch up to me. I had to evade him and a no-name henchman by climbing rooftops and flinging pebbles at their eyes to deter them or thwart attempts at grabbing my ankles.

I was once caught, but saved by the arrival of a hot lady cop who showed Honecker (Edit: what the hell did I mean to type here before the iPhone autocorrect got it? "Whoever?" "Deidrich?") getting possessed and made the whole local area trippy. Then I woke up.

My subconscious likes throwing me these curveballs. I'v been getting fewer of the zombie dreams and more of the "brainwashed"/living-infected mobs variety. I feel sad for the zombies, but these are living people and quite frequently by the time I determine that the use of deadly force is necessary, it's generally too late for me to make out very well in the dream.

  • Danny DeVito is much bigger in my head.
  • I really need to get some cardio going.

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