Thursday, May 5, 2011

Household Tips for the Swinging Bachelor/Supervillain

  • Only bring single girls back to your place. You do not want their boyfriend getting all riled up and busting down the giant, titanium-alloy door to your fortress.

  • Have one pair of underwear you absolutely hate wearing. That pair is now motivation for Laundry Day. Alternately, it can be used as your "Earth-2" costume.

  • Wash any cutlery, cooking implements, tableware or torture chambers immediately after use so you don't have to later when you're tired and lazy.

  • If your roommate leaves dirty crap in the sink, throw acid in his face.

  • Eventually, the guy you really hate is going to show up uninvited. Best to be courteous until he leaves, then exact you intricate and frightening revenge.

  • Kill as many hookers and crack-heads as you want, so long as they weren't at one time somehow related to someone powerful.

  • Henchmen/sublets will have more respect for your things than your regular cohorts. Because they're worried you might kill them.

  • It is inappropriate to have a Batman poster hanging over your couch.

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