Things Charlie Sheen Might Actually Be On

Alright, Dean, you win.

Things Charlie Sheen Might Actually Be On:

• Drugs
• Twitter, denying that he is on drugs
• Methadone, to stop being on drugs
• Either "The Ball" or "Top of His Game," since apparently he is constantly winning
• Network news at least once every 48 minutes
• Par with his brother, Emilo Estevez's character Gordon Bombay in the opening scenes of The Mighty Ducks where he gets pulled over for a DUI.
• Top of Old Smokey, if "Old Smoky" is the name of his crack pipe.
• A hooker/porn actress, depending on if there's a camera present
• And off again with drugs
• (A) horse
• Mood stabilizers
• -omatopoeia 
• Tiger blood

Charlie Sheen's father Martin Sheen once couldn't get on an
airplane because his driver's license still reads "Martino Estevez."